Giving Thanks For All My Blessings:Thanksgiving 2012

     This year is quickly winding down and changing into history.  There has been so much change in the past few years that I wonder what else is ahead of me.  I am about to wind up my first semester in college; now that's a statement that I would have never been able to say 5 years ago...in fact it's pretty safe to say that I wouldn't have even written my first blog post!   But that was then, and of course the world changed and I changed even faster.

     My friends and Facebook acquaintances have been counting down to Turkey Day by posting one thing that they are thankful for.  I think that is a lovely sentiment.  I thought about doing this but I just haven't been in the same frame of mind as they have.  With all I have to say grace over, and how grateful I am, I needed to fix that.   But I am very thankful, nonetheless,so tonight at 1am I decided to post what I've come to see as blessings to cherish and realize just how damned lucky I really am.  There are so many people out there that aren't even close to being as happy and content as I am.  I've seen them and read their posts on the Web, I've spied them out and about, I've sat next to them in class... the world is full of people who don't, or can't realize just how amazing life is.  How abundant the joy of life is available to us if we just allow it to come into our hearts, and express it in the way we interact with others.  The Holiday Season is supposed to be full of joy; it's a shame that many people don't feel it.  But why it's this way... well that's a mouthful, but seeing as this has been my least favorite time of year for most of my life, I can field a few thoughts on the subject.  Listen up, because I think this is pretty important stuff, I don't want you to miss this!

      First of all, you have to decide to be happy.  It's a choice.  And sometimes.... it's damned hard to make that choice. Sometimes you have to take your life and shake the shit out of it, tear it all down and rebuild.  Sometimes you have to get rid of EVERYTHING and EVERYONE that is keeping you from finding your happiness.  Or maybe you just need to surround yourself with positive people, wherever they may be.  The world doesn't owe you anything, but you determine your own worth. And I've found out that we all are priceless, valuable and original creations, worthy of happiness and love. You'd be amazed at what's around, once you stop feeling so bad about yourself. And yes, I do get low sometimes and forget this.  It's way easy to do, especially when no one's looking(or so you think, anyway.)  But what does this have to do with being thankful and grateful, even when you don't feel the spirit of the season?  Well the first step is to being happy with yourself.  You are NOT as bad as you seem, and things can always be worse.  So today I am going to give thanks, because I am not as bad as I seem, and things can always be worse.  That simple act of gratitude for having the best life I can have at the moment never fails to make my frown turn upside down.  

     Second, and this is pretty important; in fact RuPaul says it every stinkin' week(for those who DON'T watch RuPauls' Drag Race, get to watching!).  "If you can't love yourself, how in the HELL you gonna love somebody else?"  That's pretty self explanatory, but I would add this:  You are the only YOU that exists.. therefore you deserve all the love you can give you. If you want someone to love you, then let it start with the person in the mirror brushing your teeth in the morning.. I mean, does anybody else do that for you??? That's love honey... I've been married now for almost two years, and Michael hasn't done that for me(although he would if I couldn't I'm sure.. or at least drop some Polident in the bucket for the dentures).  Seriously.  Love is gained or lost simply because you stopped loving the most important person in your life.  Take care of him(or her).  But if you are reading this, you probably already have more people loving you than not, so remember to give Thanks for those people.. they make it easier to love you.  God knows I need them to remind me sometimes what I sometimes forget to remember about love.

     And lastly, Giving thanks isn't something that should be reserved on a date on a calendar.  If you wait 'til the fourth Thursday of November each year to say thanks and express your gratitude, you are really screwing up!   I'm grateful that this Nov. 6th the President was re-elected. I'm grateful that my birthday came around again.  I'm grateful for my loving husband, who is(despite my statements to the contrary) extremely patient and kind.  He's given me the world I didn't even know I could have.  I'm grateful to be going to college! I'm grateful that I have all that I have.  I'm grateful for all that I am(and all that I'm not, apparently..) and even better, I'm grateful for all that I will become in the months and years ahead.  I could write reams and reams of what there is to give thanks for, but for all that I've been blessed with, surely more than I deserve, I have to give Thanks.  It's the least I could do.  

     So with today being Thanksgiving, when you read this do the following:

     Give thanks to those that love you. They are your fuel.
     Give thanks to those that don't.  They are your motivators.
     Give thanks for your friends.  As Michael tells me, they are gifts you give yourself.
     Give thanks that you have what you have.  Some(in fact, many) have far    
     less and they are thankful for what they have.  Follow their lead.
     Love yourself.  Give yourself some credit. It gets better, even when it's 
     hard to see right now.
     God is real... so give Thanks to Him, in whatever way you think is best.
     Give thanks for all that is behind you, it paved the way for what now is   
     ahead.
     But MOST of all... Give thanks that this blog post is OVER! One can get 
     too carried away.  Now go eat that damned turkey!

     Thank you for reading this, for all the love and friendship.  Love to all.  
         Noah

"I am alone... but I can still skate." - Michael's Story.

     Today was a very special day in our house.  Today we relearned something that is easily forgotten... how GOOD people can be, and when that goodness touches you, it makes the lesson that much sweeter than the last lesson was.  I feel compelled to tell this story simply because it needs telling; you can't make this stuff up folks.  First, some background details for you, then it's off to what was so good about this day.

     Long before I ever came into Michael's world, he was at a Barnes & Noble in Milwaukee, WI shopping with his best friend Garrett.  It was a cold November day and he happened to find some of the previous year's Christmas card sets on the discount table.  On the front of the cards was a replica of a painting of Minister Walker Skating. The original oil-on-canvas painting was created in the 1790's and is now one of Scotland's most important works of art.  But Michael's appreciation of the art was more than academic.  He had broken up with his partner not long before this and was still reeling from the end of the relationship.

Before I continue the story, I want to say something...it's amazing when you get a new insight into someone you love so much. You know how important someone is to you, and what you mean to them... but when something new is presented, an extra dimension is layered... you find that you are even more in love with that person by the new discovery.

Michael and I are incredibly close obviously -  we're married for Pete's sake, so that's not to hard to figure out.  But today I saw a look in his beautiful green eyes, reflected by barely constrained tears; a look that  made me fall in love all over again.  He has such a kind heart.  I forget how often, and how much his heart had been hurt in the past.  But the amazing character of Michael, I find, is the tenacity of his spirit and how happy the simple things make him. Finding discounted Christmas cards with this painting on them meant a great deal to him, he told me on the way home.  He bought all of those cards the store had.  He told me he felt the Reverend could have been him in a previous life.  He called his friend Garrett over to the table(he was getting on the escalator) to show him these cards.  He fell in love with the Reverend Walker in that moment... that lone figure, out on Duddingston Loch, skating with his eyes forward and thoughts all his own.  Michael told me that he told Garrett this:  "I am alone... but I can still skate."

That statement struck a chord in me as we drove back to Evansville from Princeton this morning.  We went to The Palace this morning for more than just breakfast.  The main reason was because waiting for him at the restaurant was The Reverend Walker Skating on the Lake.  Our friend Marsha Blanton is a waitress there.  She saw his Facebook post about the painting and how much he loved it's simple elegance; but like me, not knowing the whole story about his admiration of Henry Raeburn's work of art.  She had messaged me privately about the painting and wanted to know if he really liked it.. I told her that he adored the painting so much.  She surprised me when she told me she had ordered it and it would be here this week.  I was so pleased that this wonderful person loved my Michael enough to get for him this replica.  She wanted to surprise him.  I told her that he would be absolutely floored... so much so I didn't think he'd be able to eat his breakfast!  Suffice it to say, he was blown away completely by Marsha's kind-hearted generosity.

My Michael is a beer drinkin', cheese eatin', throw your head back and laugh and bullshit and have a few drinks Wisconsin boy.  He's tall, dark, and handsome.  He is also the most tender and beautiful man I have ever met.  Today in his eyes, as he opened up the box and unrolled the print of The Reverend, I saw a mixture of shock(because he obviously didn't expect this at all), sadness("Why are you showing me this?"), and when he realized it wasn't a prank(she had told him not a minute before that she had bought it for her house and wanted his decorator sense to see what color her walls needed to be), total gratitude and joy over this wondrous gift.  Nothing makes you love your husband more than seeing him cry tears of joy like this. Nothing.

He shared with me the story of the importance of the Reverend Walker's painting to me as we went home.  I was so moved by the story of his being able to skate through the pain of losing love as he was learning to walk alone again.  How many of us have had to learn how to do that in our lives... how to put on our Sunday best and ice skates and get back out on the ice, even when we aren't sure we want to, and even if we don't know if the ice will still support us.  I realized today that my husband is more than just my loving partner... he is a champion, and a survivor, but most of all, he's a teacher.  He has told me on more than one occasion that he feels that he is used as an instrument by The Man Upstairs... after hearing his story about The Reverend Walker, and seeing Marsha's love in action, I can only wonder at the beautiful symmetry of it all.

Marsha, if you ever read this... know that Michael loves your gift, but more than that, he loves you.  He is such a great guy, willing to do anything for anybody... but when people(like yourself) reciprocate, he doesn't understand it's because of him that they do just that... reciprocate.  He's like that... and I hope he never changes.  His selflessness and kindness needs to be acknowledged, and I am so glad you gave me the opportunity to see this side of him outside of the walls of our house.  I'm of the belief that you get what you give in life... Marsha, may blessings come to you and yours like sunlight through a windowpane.  You will never know just how much you have touched us with your gift of friendship and love.  I hope you appreciate this story, Dear Reader, because it's true; no names have been changed to protect anyone.  We might be alone sometimes... but like Michael taught me today, we can still, still skate.  Love to all... Noah