“The danger lies in the emptiness of so many of the words we use.” Sherwood Anderson
"I want
a divorce,” Mary said quietly, as she wiped down the kitchen counter after the
evening meal. John was putting the dishes that were in the dishwasher away in
the cupboard, with his back turned away from her when she said the words with
such a matter-of-fact tone that he almost didn’t quite believe she had said it.
John and Mary had been married for nearly fifteen years at this point; and he had
thought everything was fine… their anniversary was coming up and he had planned
a big night out to celebrate this milestone in their lives. He had great news
to share with her; his hard work and effort was about to pay off... little did
he realize that she was etching an epitaph into said milestone.
“What?
Did you just say ‘divorce’, Mary?” John’s bile started to rise through his gut
like steam through a radiator; his voice leaped up an octave, and he spun
around in the small kitchenette to better understand what she was saying. He
had the most startled look upon his face when he stared that the mask of
certainty she was wearing – it was clear and focused, with only trace amounts
of sadness trickling around her bright brown eyes. “Why? What’s wrong? Mary,
where did you get such an idea?”
Mary
said it again, this time with a hint of steely edge to her words. “John, I want
a divorce. I’ve given it much thought, and I’m just not happy anymore. I can’t
keep telling you “I love you.” and mean it anymore. I’m sorry that this hurts
you; I really am… but I can’t live like this anymore.” Mary’s face started to
crumple like wrinkled notebook paper, with lines and creases forming across her
face. Warring emotions of relief and sadness formed the face John was witnessing.
“Mary, honey…” John said as he tried to hug her, even when his mind raced to
absorb the shock of Mary’s stunning declaration.
Mary
recoiled from her husband’s attempted embrace like he was suddenly too hot to
touch. “NO. No! I don’t want you hugging me! Trying to comfort me… it’s too
much! Haven’t you been paying attention?! I just told you I want a divorce.
Don’t you get it? I can’t take the stress of this! We are so broke, I’m working
non-stop, and trying to make the ends meet, and you… you just keep playing at
being a writer. You sit here all day, not helping out, not getting a job or
helping with the bills… you won’t listen to me when I tell you how hard it is
to get the bills paid! Don’t try to convince me to stay. It won’t work!” Mary
was shivering in anger now; her bravery in telling John she was leaving him
made itself manifest in physical form with tremors and her right hand clutching
her dishrag like a rosary, trying to purge her soul with this announcement.
John
stood facing this woman who was his wife of more than a decade and stared in
her resolute eyes, the fury and immolation that burned there in her brown eyes
now filled with tears. He loved her so! He had heard her words and felt them
puncture his soul, and now his eyes started hazing over with tears of his own.
He wanted to open his mouth and try to talk her out of it – to make her
understand the feelings he has for her and how much he needed her… but the
words dissipated as his lips parted. The words just weren’t there. His heart
felt every word but they were as empty as the air that left his body. He just
stood there, in the kitchen as she turned on her heels and went upstairs to
pack a suitcase.
His
whole world felt as empty as the words he now wished he’d spoken. The
acceptance letter for his novel from Random House was on the kitchen counter,
the envelope ripped open in excitement and fear and the contents of the letter now
laid forgotten… just more empty words. Tonight was supposed to be a celebration
of all they had together. Now all he had was the hot coal of failure burning in
his gut and the word “divorce” ringing in his heart.
No comments:
Post a Comment